First Blog Cont...

The first thing I need to say tonight, is that everything I say here is just my feelings on this ordeal, it isn't suppose to be a medical journal or medical advice. So with that said I met with Dr. G last month. He scared the crap out of me! He told me that every bad thing that could go wrong would go wrong. I left his office in tears and feeling like I was going to die. I later emailed my doctor and told him I didnt get a good feeling with Dr. G and he made me feel like I was going to die! He told me that Dr. G can be a little intense but he reassured me that everything was going to be fine. So I finally picked a day for my surgery and it was a pretty hard thing to do! I feel like time is going by so fast. My Dr. said that time is probably going to go by so slow but I disagree, I dont think it is going to go by slow enough. I've met a lot of wonderful people who have already been through this situation and people who are going through it right along with me. The one thing I can say is, LEARN everything you can about your tumor. I am constantly asking my DR questions as well as AN survivors. My BIGGEST worry other than death is, my facial nerve. I'm worried about how other people will view me and most of all how I will view myself. I feel like I am going to look like a monster. Everyone tells me that this will make me a stronger person and it will because I will be conquering something most people dont have to. I would have to say that waiting is the hardest part. I am ready to move on with my life and start living it again. I feel like my life is on pause and all I think about are the what ifs. The few good things about this tumor, is that it has brought me closer to God, my father, and my husband. Even though I questioned Him alot in hte beginning I am now starting to appreciate Him more. This has been a hard time for my family. In April 08 my youngest brother in law was stabbed in the leg at school, in May of 08 my other brother in law was shot and killed, in June of 08 my husband's grandfather passed away, a grandmother he didnt really know passed away his father hd to have surgery on his spine. I feel like one bad thing after another is happening to the people we love the most and I was constantly asking God what we did to deserve this, but I have now realized that hopefully me surviving and kicking this tumors butt will show my husband that God is GREAT and he isn't trying to punish us. I hope it will show him that God is with us every step of the way and he will help us through this and through God all things are possible.

For now I am tired...Good Night all

God Bless